Here are your Cheers & Jeers for Friday, March 3, 2006!!!A late add to my Cheers and Jeers - a special shout out to the white trash poet for his 360 days of sobriety and to giving us all an opportunity to share and learn. Check out his diary on the subject.
From the late night comic desk:
- "It's been cold! It was so cold in D.C. that Dick Cheney shot the weatherman." Letterman
- "On Wednesday President Bush will fly to India. See, last week he met with American workers. This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs." -Leno
- "The forecast this week is a high of 34 and a low of 18. But enough about the White House approval ratings." -Leno
- "President Bush then went to India. He was met with protests there. As a result most Americans spent the day on hold with computer problems." -Conan
The numbers, RenaRF-Style:Days since Iraq war began: 1,080
Days since I started my blog: 192
Days until mid-term elections: 249
Days since I joined Daily Kos: 482
Days since Hurricane Camille: 13, 347
Days since Hurricane Katrina: 186
Number of houses rebuilt for the poor and uninsured: 0
Days until 2009 Presidential Inauguration: 1056 (FUCK)
Days since I gave up meat: 1,664
Days since I quit smoking: 205
Days that I've realized how much work C&J is: 5
Your gratuitous puppy pic of the day: Someone pass that dog the toilet paper. That's the kind of dog I would have - me likey no walkey.
For all the pootie fans out there, a suck-your-gum-down-your-windpipe-laughing site called (I'm not making this up) StuffOnMyCat.com. I don't know if these people are brilliant or if they have way too much time on their hands - but damn it's funny. I even bought a T-shirt. (Hat-tip to Hyperbolic Pants Explosion for the link)
::+::
CHEERS to YearlyKos. The volunteers and planners and everyone associated with the effort are working their fool asses off to put on a great event. Be sure you support them - Give a little moolah if you can spare it.
::+::
JEERS to the delegation Presidency of George W. Bush. FEMA Officials: "Mr. President! A catastrophic hurricane is bearing down on an American city! We need to be prepared! The city could be under water!" GWB: "Great. Keep me posted." Boo-hiss!!!
::+::
CHEERS or JEERS (depending on your opinion) to shoes designed to help immigrants cross the borders. Called "Brincos", they feature a compass, storage pouch, map, and toe light.
::+::
JEERS to Domino's Pizza founder Thomas S. Monaghan, who is bankrolling a $250 million project to establish a Catholic town in Florida. Don't get me wrong - I don't have any problem with Catholicism, though I'm not Catholic. I know many lovely and fine Catholic people. But if this proposed town, called 'Ave Maria' is allowed to be established, its residents will not be able to buy condoms or birth control pills and cable TV, magazine and book content will be tightly regulated to exclude anything deemed "pornography". Last time I checked, Mr. Monaghan, we still live in America where such religious observances are a matter of personal choice. If you lack faith in the Catholic church to imbue its followers with enough conviction to eschew such things, then change the church - don't declare an entire area as a Catholic fiefdom.
::+::
CHEERS to ever having this much free time on my hands. In an effort to draw attention to his concern that all Asian cities look essentially the same, 40-year old artist Song Dong has built a replica of a traditional Asian city connected to a more modernized version entirely out of biscuits. Some 72,000 biscuits were used in the construction of the replica city, which volunteers are anxiously waiting to eat.
::+::
JEERS to selective attention to details, and not just minor details. Although not news to anyone here, reports are surfacing that multiple intelligence agencies warned the Bush administration about the possibility of deeply-rooted sectarian violence within Iraq. These weren't pesky little reports, either, like the famed PDB - these were National Intelligence Estimates (NIEs). One, given to the President in 2003, made the clear point that insurgent violence was not being fueled by foreign-born terrorists but rather by local conditions, exacerbated by the presence of US troops. Sometimes it sucks to be proven right.
::+::
CHEERS to things that would drive my cats insane. I certainly question the uses featured for this fake, semi-mechanical cat paw (most strikingly, the image of two businesspeople shaking hands with CAT PAWS), but I don't question the fact that it would freak my cats out and is therefore worth buying.
::+::
And speaking of freaking out my cats, CHEERS to unitended uses for adult toys. In college, I was a fraternity sweetheart. I was known to be studious and an excellent student. As a gag tradition at Christmas one year, my Secret Santa gift was a large, flexible black --ahem-- that ran on batteries and turned on by twisting the base. I brought it home (along with some other things that were equally goofy), took it out, turned it on and put it on the floor. The reaction of my cats was priceless - they puffed up, hunkered down, skulked towards it and then s-l-o-w-l-y raised their paws to strike. After swatting at it, they ran - puffy-arched-sideways - and wouldn't come back into the room until it was out of sight. Who knew?
::+::
JEERS to Torie Clark, former Pentagon spokeswoman and Republican talking-head extraordinnaire for saying this about the Dubai Ports World deal on CNN's The Situation Room: "I can forgive the American people cuz they're busy - they've got things to do in their lives. It's not their responsibility to learn the facts." Thanks, Torie - I'm so glad to be "forgiven" and more so to see the RNC's real opinion of us little, busy, uninformed people.
::+::
CHEERS to shit I don't need but really want. Microsoft is currently undertaking its Origami Project to produce and sell a super-small, hand-held computer running Tablet PC. It's small enough to fit in your hand and into a medium-sized purse... Oooh... Ahhh. I must have this.
::+::
JEERS to Bill O'Lielly's lack of testicles. After posting a petition which was a deliberate smack at competitor Keith Olbermann's show, O'Lielly is now whining and complaining about the "cheap shots" lobbed by NBC at FNC. As Olbermann himself is heard to say, "It's Fox - not facts."
::+::
CHEERS to the most expensive shoes on Zappos.com. At a staggering $961.95, these above-the-knee boots are the perfect compliment to my shoe collection. Email me and I'll let you know how you can make a donation to my shoe habit via Paypal because I'll need if I'm ever to own these. ;-)
::+::
And finally, CHEERS to historical persepctive and celebrity birthdays:
On this day in history:March 3, 1873 - Congress bans sending obscene materials through the mail
March 3, 1945 - Finland declares war on Germany
March 3, 1952 - Supreme Court upholds NY law barring communist teachers
March 3, 1971 - US Special Forces withdraw from Vietnam
March 3, 1991 - Rodney King beating caught on videotape
Born on this day:
Jessica Biel
Jackie Joyner-Kersee
Herschel Walker
Ira Glass
James Doohan
Jean Harlow
Alexander Graham Bell
Today's hostile testimonial:
"F--k RenaRF. Who the f--k does she think she is? I go away for a little f--king rest and relaxation and she f--king changes rum and coke to Jack Daniels? F--k her."
--Bill in Portland Maine
A special Cheers and Jeers shout out to hono lulu and all the other Kossacks in Hawaii - stay safe in all of that flooding, ya hear?
That's right, sportsfans. I'm RenaRF and I'm coming at you LIVE and in living color from the blue county of Fairfax in the red state of Virginia. This Friday we're under NEW MANAGEMENT. As such, by an executive order of the highest hubris, I REJECT rum and coke as the official Friday drink and declare today "Jack Daniels Friday". And yes - I have been asked whether or not I pee standing up. And no, it is not too early for a cocktail, especially if that cocktail is Jack Daniels. Drink it like you mean it - in a shot glass without any twists or rocks or foofy mixers. As you sip, feel the warmth spread down your throat, making the laughter rise easily...
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home